Kelly Brook is in the new issue of Esquire this month, and she looks as fantastic as ever. Maybe even more fantastic, we’re not sure. You be the judge.

“But wait a moment, FHM,” we hear you say through a mouthful of chips, “Isn’t Kelly Brook pregnant at the moment? Isn’t her abdomen almost literally full of child?”


Oh, man, Giles Coren! We like him

And we say to you, yes. She is indeed currently jam-packed with another human being, but the canny chaps at Esquire took these pictures back in March before she started to show and when little Baby Brook (working title) was just a twinkle in the milkman’s eye. Clever boys.

Take a close look at these pictures. She’s the Kelly Brook we know and love, but whatever they’ve done with the photography makes her look a bit like Kate Beckinsale, but even hotter.

Do you see? Maybe it’s not Kelly Brook at all, and some sort unholy amalgamation of the pair of them devised in a mad scientist’s lab (“Ready the Battle-Brookinsale, gentlemen! Tonight we show the peasants what Dr Frankenstein is truly capable of!”).


Backgrounds: stark

No? Just us? Oh well. Maybe we went too far with that Mary Shelley reference.  Fair enough. Also, Esquire, if you’re reading, you still haven’t got back to us about that Dance-Off we challenged you to when we spread the word about Heather Morris’ sexy dancing abilities.

We're not joking about that. We’ll take you on. Name the time and place.

We’ve got slick moves. We can form a giant break-dancing robot out of our bodies, like in Power Rangers. But with more break-dancing, obviously.


Artist's impression