Fashion weeks are normally as ‘up there’ on our list of things to attend as the Third Reich Supporters’ Annual Handball Tournament or a candlelit dinner for two with Hannibal Lecter. But a small part of us wishes we’d been at London Fashion Week yesterday, because Kelly Brook was there, and she had her incredible legs with her.

Kelly Brook sexy
Obviously, it would have been MENTAL to amputate them beforehand

We wonder whether Kelly Brook enjoyed herself, or whether she thought "God this is bullshit why am I watching a load of alieny looking women doing a weird walk up and down a catwalk wearing clothes that only a raving loon would be seen dead in when I could be at home eating some of those new Rolo Biscuits and watching Coach Trip?"

Knowing Kelly Brook and how thoroughly lovely she is, we imagine she would have done an excellent job of pretending to enjoy herself even if she did hate every second of it. Maybe celebrities are trained in that at Celebrity School.

"Listen, class, if you're going to be famous you're going to have to spend a lot of time showing your face at tossy events that, given the choice, you'd avoid like an overfriendly AIDS-riddled hyena. So you'd better practice your 'wow it's so lovely to be here with all these people who seem to know me but who I don't recognise from Adam and not eat canapés for fear of dropping a bit of mini beef-filled yorkshire pudding on this dress that I've only been lent for the night' face and deal with it." 

Kelly Brook sexy legs
Kelly was satisfied with her A- in that module

Fortunately, Kelly Brook is bloody excellent at everything to which she turns her fair hand. Thus, she donned her pearliest smile and distracted any sceptics with her pins of perfection, not revealing for a second that she was cheesed off about the canapés being too big for one bite but too flaky to risk two.

Stupid canapés.