As you'll no doubt agree, the fact that Sky+HD has now got 50 channels in high definition needs some sort of national celebration. Originally, they had a wild orgy planned, but as only a couple of ageing swingers turned up to the launch party, they were slightly disappointed. So, to the next logical step. Ask Kelly Osbourne to get slathered in gold paint in homage to the 1964 Bond film Goldfinger. Although the person who suggested this was originally removed in a straitjacket, he was swiftly returned when nobody else could think of another idea and promoted to Chief Executive. As it turned out, it wasn't such a bad idea after all. She does look oddly alluring.

Well, not in this photo she doesn't, because she's meant to be dead. And being sexually attracted to dead bodies is one step removed from becoming a fully-fledged necrophiliac. So, if you feel anything other than heartbroken angst when looking at this picture, we suggest that you immediately convey yourself to a psychiatrist for urgent refererral to a sexual perversions clinic. If one exists.

Fortunately, she seems to have come back to life. Any profligate, irreligious thoughts which you may experience on viewing this one are slightly more justifiable, but we'd still argue that you had a modicum of deviance because the current state of arousal is only partially present as a result of the previous, cadaverous image. Sigmund Freud, eat your metaphorical heart out.