The decline of the portaloo has gone hand in hand with the erosion of society's manners and values. In days gone by, one could expect to find a public lavatory on almost every street corner of any respectable London street. Nowadays, they have become all but defunct, a looming relic of a bygone era. Except for "Cellar Door", a renovated watering hole beneath the Aldwych that used to be Oscar Wilde's regular haunt for taking a number two, amongst other, more lascivious activities.
In consequence, if you 'need to go' anywhere in the vicinity of Central London, the options are reduced to either finding a Starbucks and having to procure a code (more often than not this will be refused until you agree to buy a Coffee Crappuccino), or guiltily creeping into a hotel, where the receptionists will invariably know exactly what you're doing, before slinking out afterwards.
Kim Kardashian with two friends at the Garmin Restrooms grand opening in Times Square
This is why we are delighted to tell you that a new public toilet facility, Charmin Restrooms, has been inaugurated in Times Square in New York, courtesy of Kim Kardashian, who did the ribbon cutting. With two bears in tow for moral support, Kim was satisfied that she had done her bit for alleviating the complications of her fellow users' bowels.
Supposedly, George Michael, being the patron saint of the public loo, was asked to open this facility in place of Kim. But he was going for a 'run' on Hampstead Heath that morning. Oh, well. Kim, we admire what you've done for the good of the people. Never again will the people of New York have to tarnish a sidewalk, risking the $500 fouling penalty.
After emerging from the conveniences, the two 'work colleagues' were caught slightly off guard