Girls Aloud have undertaken something of a hiatus lately.

It’s a bit worrying. Even though they haven’t officially broken up, things like this are so rarely good news.

When your parents decide they “need a bit of time apart”, you’d be well advised to start deciding who you love most.

When your girlfriend proposes “a little break”, you should probably begin gradually retrieving your possessions from her flat. All subtle and one at a time, like, so she doesn’t notice what you’re up to. “A lifetime of love and devotion lost," you mumble to yourself, "but a toothbrush and old gym t-shirt gained – winner.”


Walsh: no yoga expert

During what we blindly hope is only a temporary interlude, some of the girls have been pretty busy.

Geordie chocolate eyes Cheryl Cole got a divorce, released loads of solo stuff and trampled the hopes of legions of deluded idiots in the dream-crushing factory commonly known as X Factor.

Lambrini-chugging party leopard Sarah Harding has been in some films and stuff and recently got engaged.

Irish sex-giraffe Nadine Coyle also released some solo material and refused to return the calls of any of her bandmates.

King of the Gingers Nicola Roberts followed in the footsteps of millions of academic failures and enrolled on a beauty course.


These outfits: getting pretty samey

Liberally lipped Bradford bombshell Kimberley Walsh, meanwhile, has been taking some acting lessons and is now putting them to good use portraying a trainer-wearing 1950s pin up in the film BodyTrain. In the film, which is out now, Kimberly plays a character called Esmeralda during post-war 1950s Britain. Esmeralda, a village chef, goes on a lengthy train journey to France to buy some cheap wine and cheese. Unfortunately, the train is besieged by remnant Nazi terrorists determined to keep it above 50mph and crash it into France. Esmeralda springs into action, regularly shouting, "But they forgot about the chef!" as she dismembers platoons of altruistic activists.  

Oh, wait, actually she's just advertising some new Puma trainers called 'BodyTrain'. Righto.  

"Hello, Warner Brothers? Listen, we've got an idea..."