Kylie Minogue's got an album out called Aphrodite. Aphrodite was the ancient Greek goddess of beauty, love, and sexuality, so it sort of fits when you match her up against Kylie's fantastic bottom.
We've reported on it in the past, but we've got some new pictures of Kylie in her fancy goddess gear, taken while she was performing her new album on stage in Paris last week. She looks great, even if it is in a bit of a Soul Calibur way.
Kylie struggled to hear anything with those things over her ears
Kylie, of course, isn’t part of the original Greek pantheon of Gods, which is understandable as even though she’s getting on a little she wasn’t alive at the time. But if she was, we reckon she’d be the goddess of bottoms.
She’s practically worshipped for it these days, what with being a gay icon and all, and it’s managed to net her a singing career, some acting, and (for some reason) Lexus have chosen her to be the face of their new “Quiet Revolution” CT 200h car ads.
So back in the days of Ancient Greece, when there were fewer people around, surely her bottom would be even more fabulous? And as its Ancient Greece we’re talking about, surely there’d be an even larger gay following than there is now?
We used to have a large gay following, but we slipped down an alleyway and lost him
There’d be temples built in her honour. Songs sung, fires lit and festivals celebrated all around the majesty and wonder of Kylie’s arse. Giant golden arses surrounded by vestal virgins.
And if you ever needed somewhere to sit, or wanted your girlfriend’s backside transformed into an echo of something as marvellous as Kylie’s, all you’d have to do is put on Do The Locomotion and get down to some ceremonial dancing after ritually sacrificing a Jason Donovan on her altar.