Do you have £4million? Is it spare? Do you like living on the top floor of posh tower blocks? Are you the kind of guy who’s happy to use your enormous wealth to get closer than normal people can to pop stars? Then maybe you’d like to buy Kylie Minogue’s “London maisonette” which is based in Kensington and has just had its asking price reduced from £4.5million. That’s one ninth of the price she’s taken off right there, freeing up £500,000 for you to spend on a) a tiger to prowl the property when you’re out b) a blow up Kylie doll that looks like Kylie circa 1988 so you can pretend to be Jason Donovan c) loads of delicious Indian takeaways. And yes, you would like two side dishes because you’ve got £500,000 to blow and that shit ain’t gonna spend itself. The Australian is moving out because it’s too small which is quite funny considering how small Kylie is, but actually not funny at all when you compare it to something that is actually funny. Something like this picture of Kylie Minogue looking like she’s holding the erect penis of a teddy bear:

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Gets us every single time. But seriously: she’s moving out because she’s planning on having her sister Dannii Minogue and her sister Dannii Minogue’s baby Ethan round to stay. For, like, tea. Or, like, the night. Or, like, dinner. Or, like, Sunday lunch. Or, like, the football. Or, like, for a BBQ. Imagine having that situation as a kid. Dannii as your Mum and Kylie as your Auntie. Confusing. But not as confusing as this picture of Kylie: