What were you doing on the 28th of July 1987? Were you even born then? You might have been, you might not have been. Don’t worry about it either way, it’s not a competition or anything, and we’re certainly not going to euthanase the hell out of anyone who was born before that date or anything like that.

Whatever you were doing, we know for a fact that you weren’t releasing your debut single, Locomotion. Unless of course your name is Kylie Minogue and you’re a pint-sized popster in tiny pants from Australia, in which case that is exactly what you were doing.

Kyles was just 18 when that was released, but now she’s 42. That’s how the passing of time works, really.

Daffs were playing the Angel Mary in the school play

On Saturday, the 42-year-old once heralded as ‘the anti-Madonna’ by Rufus Wainwright opened her three-month world tour Les Foiles Tour in Herning, Denmark.

Les Folies Tour is French words, right. So we did a little bit of the old translatey for you. ‘Les’ means ‘the’. ‘Folies’ means ‘madness’. And ‘tour’ means, well, ‘tour’. The Madness Tour? A tour of the mad doesn’t sound like something we particularly want to get behind. Those that have been certified as insane should probably be being cared for by folk with proper training and receiving professional help, rather than being paraded around the world in the interests of entertainment. Unless The Madness Tour means that Kylie has joined Chas Smash (best name, EVER) and the gang in Madness the ska band. We’re all for that.

Steps considered investing in some BlanX

Anyway, as you can see, K-Min came dressed for the occasion. Not for her the tiny latex dresses favoured by Katy Perry, nor the firearm brassiere sported by a certain Lady Gaga. No, the Minogue sister less likely to give someone a scathing glare opted to perform dressed as a mythical creature with wings for ears.

We can’t for the life of us remember what they’re called. Yes, we looked on Google (other search engines are available, we think), but we still couldn’t find a satisfactory answer. If you’re up on your Greek mythology (we say Greek, it could just as easily be Roman), please feel free to let us know in the comments section below. We'll find something lying around the office to send to you. Don't get your hopes up, it could easily be a Karate Kid headband or some 'spicy cheese'.