The all round canary coloured, meat wearing genius that is Lady Gaga is set to make $100 million this year from tour profits, record sales and endorsements. Crikey Moses that is a lot of money.

That is an inconceivably massive amount of money. If someone told us we were gonna earn that much money we’d spend at least two days just laughing. Then we’d hop on down to Waitrose in a daze and buy a shitload of antipasti. Then decadently toss our own brand items out of the window. Oh and buy a plane.


"I'd like to say thanks to all my fans by buying them a plane"

If all you have to do to earn that much money is spend the working day sauntering around in dresses made of meat, then we’re totally up for that. Fuck it, we’ll l spend our working day in a hollowed out cow if you want. We don’t know quite who ‘you’ are yet, or why on earth you would want to see us in a hollowed out cow. Oh someone just give us the bloody money already.

If she really does love her fans as much as she says she does then we’d like to have a conversation with Gaga about going own brand herself and sharing out a bit of the wealth. Instead of that rather expensive looking steak dress and hat, we’d have her clad in Tesco Value 32% water, reformed pork luncheon meat, swap her oh-so-kooky vintage tea cup for polystyrene and get a bit more DIY with the tour. Then we can have the plane.

We can’t get enough of the thought of her at the formica breakfast table in her ham dress sipping on orange juice from concentrate and munching on chocopop with plastic cutlery.