We normally like to show you pictures of real women on these sanctified pages, because we know that's what most of you prefer. We throw in the occasional sex doll to keep the oddballs happy, but, as a general rule of thumb, we stick to living, breathing objects. In the case of Lady Gaga, however, this rule does not apply, since we find it nigh-on impossible to distinguish whether her whole shtick is an act, or her daily, lived reality.

So, bearing this in mind, Lady Gaga was at Madame Tussauds yesterday for the unveiling of her new waxwork. Or her waxwork was there for its own unveiling. Confusingly, she was also in seven other cities simultaneously, where similar waxworks of her were being introduced into a collection of figurines of identical constitution. Right. None of this is making any sense. We'll have to rewind a bit.

Her Berlin waxwork fitted in with the general 'camp fetish' theme of the city

A month ago, we told you that Lady Gaga was having eight waxworks made, to be displayed in different cities around the world. Well, citizens, that terrifying day is now upon us. Please, don't panic. Stay in your homes and seal up all the cracks. The world is at war against an attack of multi-coloured, scantily-clad clones. The battle will be long and painful. Billions may die. But if it means total obliteration of this poisonous species, then it all would've been worth it.

The London waxwork at Madame Tussauds

On a brighter note, the London waxwork looks more like Bette Midler, so that's one clone down already. Poor old Bette's probably been in the Tussaud's dungeons for years, having to make way for such upstarts as Rihanna and Cheryl Cole. The manager of the museum must've just gone downstairs, dusted her off, and hey presto. We don't know if Midler would be flattered by the comparison, but she was certainly happy to get away from the Sid James waxwork that had been nestled in her cleavage for three decades.