When is a curve not a curve? When it’s a jar. Wait, that’s a door, isn’t it? The actual answer is: a curve is no longer a curve when you are so far ahead of the curve it becomes little more than a line on the horizon.

Chimney United played a bogstandard 4-4-2 

FHM is regularly ahead of the curve, but in case you don’t believe us, we’re going to draw your attention to Laura Whitmore. The 25-year-old MTV presenter has been making headlines for ‘dressing provocatively’ during London Fashion Week. “Who is this new sensation?” people are asking. And when they do, we’re pointing them all the way back to FHM September 2008, the issue where we introduced the world to the sexy, blonde Irish starlet.

Triplets: sexy

"I don’t like men who try too hard,” revealed the honey who currently presents MTV Digs. “If a guy looks in the mirror more than I do it’s a bad sign. I like scruffy, but not smelly.”

Ever the pervert, Case licked her back

An admittance, which, given that we haven’t shaved for five days and are currently wearing women’s ‘odour-free’ deodorant, gives FHM hope. Especially since we have a mutual acquaintance. Her name’s Cat Cubie and she presents the weather on Scottish television, which means she says “rain” and “wind” a lot.

FHM is saying “meat” a lot today, partly because we’re hungry, partly because we’re having kangaroo for dinner and partly because we just like the word. What’s your favourite word? Let us know and we’ll ask our old buddy Laura to mention it on the telly. FHM making dreams come true 24/7.

Dog rogered handbag