Having a party is nice, isn’t it? It’s a lovely opportunity to see lots of friends at once, have a drink and enjoy a good old-fashioned knees up.
It’s nicer still if your friends include some of the sexiest women in the world, if all the drinks are free, and if you have a thunderously raucous bash in a church.
If you’re thinking “Well that’s pretty bloody polite, isn’t it? I wasn’t even invited to the party and now you’re rubbing it in by telling me how good it was” you should hush your gums because you WERE invited; you just had to enter the competition on our Facebook page. We told you about it LOADS of times, so now’s no time for sour grapes.
We can’t go banging on about EVERYONE who came to the party, because we’d be here all bloody day, and we’ve got other stuff to do, like be tired and hungover, feel sorry for ourselves, eat lots of comfort food – all that malarkey.
So we’ll make do with just five of the lovely ladies we spent the night with last night (not in that way, you shameful Sid James wannabe).
Jessica Lowndes (79th - new entry)
Every Tuesday night, we rush back from football to watch 90210. There are several reasons for this. They include: Jessica Stroup, AnnaLynn McCord, Shenae Grimes and the enthrallingly compelling narrative that has us utterly bewitched as cliffhanger after cliffhanger enchains the characters we care so deeply about, leaving us struggling to focus on the inconsequential nuances of our comparatively insipid lives.
Wait, no, not that last one - we meant Jessica Lowndes. Just lovely Jessica Lowndes. Phew, that was nearly an embarassing overshare.
Katie Larmour (not ranked - but we wouldn't bet against her next year)
"Who's that lucky devil holding hands with 90210 lovely Jessica Lowndes as she leaves the party looking all smiley and shiny and great?" you may wonder. Well it's only FHM High Street Honey Katie Larmour.
"Biggest smile and best legs gets to keep both goodie bags - and there's crisps in there!"
Amy Childs (53rd - new entry)
Last night, we walked past Amy Childs on our way back from the gents. She was engaged in conversation with several other women oozing perfumed glamour. As we passed her, we overheard her say, in her unmistakable Essex accent: "Honestly babes, I'm a professional, hundred percent". We like it when life imitates art.
Zoe Salmon (67th - up 7 places)
This morning, we opened up our lovely 100 Sexiest Women In The World 2011 booklet. We looked at a picture of Zoe Salmon all sweaty and sexy in hotpants and a bra, standing in a boxing ring. Underneath that picture, we read the following about the sexy singleton's taste in men: "I've no type. So if you see me, come and chat."
Yeah, we read that THIS MORNING. The day after we spent an evening in the same place as Zoe Salmon, not 'coming and chatting'. Argh.
Belinda Stewart-Wilson (64th - new entry)
The modern man's 'Stifler's mum', B-Stew-Wil (as we've just called her for the first, and certainly last time) is one of the main reasons we're so excited about The Inbetweeners movie this summer - apparently a lot more of her heavenly frame appears in it than we're used to seeing. She turned up, looked simultaneously wholesome and hot, brushed some canape crumbs off our lapel, and left with her dignity safely intact.
If you want to see the full Top 100 in all their glossy glory, pick up a copy of the new issue, which is out TODAY.