Last year’s X Factor was pretty much exactly the same as the X Factor the year before that. And the year before that. And the year before that. And also pretty much exactly the same as the X Factor this year.
The songs, the tack, Cowell, the glorified karaoke, Louis, the horrible power it yields, the token female judge, the humiliation, the horror, the misery, the joy, the glory, the fall from grace, the instant stardom, the parties, the free drugs, the Robbie Williams, the Alexandra Burke, the coming of age, the money, the deals, the favours, the fancy houses, the groups, the men, the girls, the old ones, the fashion, the mentally ill, the cross faces, the bastardisation of once-good songs, the ratings, the hopeless routine we all fall into.
All of that. Last year, though, had Lucie Jones. And she seemed nice. Lucie Jones is a Welsh person who also happens to be a female person with brown hair and legs and arms and everything and she’s done better than most people who get kicked out of the X Factor before the final by landing herself a deal to model Wonderbra bras. She’s following in a long and tremendous Wonderbra model lineage that includes Eva Herzigova:
And Sophie Anderton, and Dita Von Teese:
Woof! They are all very famous and have very nice skin. That’s pretty good going for Lucie Jones, seeing as she’s not famous. But she does have lovely hair and nice big teeth and that’s good enough for us. Here she is: