“What might be nice,” thought Ethan Maniquis and Robert Rodriguez as they were directing Mayra Leal and Danny Trejo in the above scene from the upcoming film Machete, “is to have Mayra Leal pull a mobile phone out of her vagina and make a call, straight after she stabs Danny Trejo with his own knife, like it’s the most normal thing in the world.”

Tell us they were wrong and we’ll do everything in our power to implicate you in the Pakistan cricket team’s ongoing ‘spot-fixing’ allegations. We’ll plant a piece of paper saying “Mohammis Amir” and “no ball” and “loadsa money” in your bedroom and call the police. We’ll send a text to your mobile phone saying “Salman Butt” and “in on it” and “please don’t ask me nothing about nothing, I just might tell you the truth” and tell Michael Vaughan all about it. Then the ex-England captain will hunt you down, make you bowl at him and hit a perfect off-drive like it was 2001 all over again. Yeah. You are going DOWN.

Mayra Leal obviously thought Ethan Maniquis and Robert Rodriguez’s idea was a good one because she went right ahead and did just that, thus guaranteeing that at least 16 randy teenagers will try and sneak into the film in the hope of seeing more flesh. Mayra Leal is a Latin SLASH Hispanic lady and therefore, we suspect, blessed with excellent flesh. It’s the sun, you see. And the meat. And the fruit and the sea and the genes and the good fortune not to be born fat, flabby, pasty and English.

FYI: Mayra Leal weighs 118lbs. Apparently.

Here is a nice picture: