That might strike you as a weird headline. Okay, Corrie lovely Michelle Keegan is getting married, that makes sense, but why on earth should we blame a puppy?
Because her fiancé, Max from The Wanted, cheated by buying her a puppy when he proposed.
We hacked this completely fictitious conversation between Michelle Keegan and then-boyfriend now-fiancé Max George from The Wanted, which will explain everything:
Michelle Keegan: Hey Max from The Wanted.
Max from The Wanted: Hey Michelle Keegan. How’s it goin’?
Michelle Keegan: Yeah, good. Solid. Strong. You?
Max from The Wanted: Really good, thanks.
Michelle Keegan: Cool. Whatcha been up to?
Max from The Wanted: Ah, y’know, this and that. Just busy being Max from The Wanted, really.
Michelle Keegan: Right, yeah.
Max from The Wanted: Happy Birthday, by the way!
Michelle Keegan: Wow, thanks. I thought you’d forgotten.
Max from The Wanted: ‘course not! No way! In fact, I’ve got something to ask you…
Michelle Keegan: Oh?
[Max from The Wanted drops to one knee. Not just in the normal manner of lowering oneself onto one knee, of course. Rather, he does it in a jazzy boyband style with an air-grab hip-spin foot-kick drop. The outcome is the same, though.]
It's like a first-person shooter. Except, instead of shooting, it's marriage proposaling
Michelle Keegan: Wait, Max from The Wanted… what are you doing?
Max from The Wanted: Hang on a sec, Mich. That landing really bloody hurt. Argh, my knee. Jesus that stings. Anyway, Michelle Keegan, will you marry me?
Michelle Keegan: Marry you? That’s crazy. I’ve only known you seven months. And we’re so young…
Max from The Wanted: Yes, but none of that matters. I’ve known since the moment we met that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You complete me. I can’t imagine my life without you. I love you more than anything – even radio airplay – and I’d sacrifice anything to make you happy.
Michelle Keegan: I think your knee is bleeding.
Max from The Wanted: I bought you this ten grand engagement ring…
Michelle Keegan: It’s really pouring out of there, y’know.
Max from The Wanted: Yes, it is rather. So, about this whole marriage proposal thing – whaddayasay?
Michelle Keegan: Listen, Max from The Wanted. I like you a lot and it’s lovely to be asked and all that, but… y’know…
Max from The Wanted: Wait! I also got you this lovely little puppy!
Michelle Keegan: Aww! He’s soooooo cute! And… is that… it is! He’s got “Will you marry me?” written on his collar! Of course I’ll marry you, cute little puppy that I’ve just met! And you, I suppose, Max from The Wanted.
– THE END –
And that’s the story of why we all hate puppies.
(We don’t really – puppies are bloody lovely.)
We love you, puppies.