We don't know what Michelle Ryan's been up to recently. We've hardly seen or heard from her. You'd think she'd at least have the decency to call. But, as with most of them, they use us for their lascivious purposes and then quietly slip away, when they think we're sleeping. Well, she cropped up at the London Film Festival the other night for the premiere of The First Grader, which tells the story of an 84-year-old Kenyan man's political fight for education and equality. Good luck with that one, mate.

It seems to be going on for ever, this film festival, doesn't it? We know there's a proud tradition of cinema in this country, but our beloved Leicester Square has been clogged up almost every night for the past fortnight by C-listers fighting their way through the throng to get their picture taken. Not to mention using all the cinemas for their oh-so relevant arthouse nonsense.

Last week, we made a special trip to VUE to see Despicable Me in 3D. We'd checked the film times and we were really excited. However, on arriving, some self-important usher told us that it was a 'private' screening of a film titled something like Oronooko Smiles Again. You know, the type of film where even hearing the title makes you want to blow your brains out. Needless to say, we weren't happy.


This was Michelle at the 'Art Attack' launch party a couple of weeks back. We apologise that it slipped through the net. It's sloppy bringing fornight-old stories to you. But at least we're honest about it. And we promise never to miss such a ground-breaking piece of 'news' again.