Yes, yes, seeing the word 'sideboob' makes you think of Peter Griffin's unsightly form, but what word can we use in its place? Sidetit? Off-center-lady-shape? Seriously, answers on a postcard.

Now-eighteen-so-it's-ok pop siren Miley Cyrus is being a right tease in this shoot for Marie Claire. But you have to ease into these sort of things; going from innocent and naïve child star to a cackling bitch gyrating on a Dyson would be far too extreme.  We think this is good middle ground. For now.

Miley is gazing fondly into the distance; she’s probably thinking, “man, I can’t wait to learn to drive,” or “Carnivals sure are fun” – oh, to be young again. Miley, bid goodbye to these innocent times; your agent will make you cross oh-so-many lines on the path to world domination. That’s how showbiz works.

Look at Britney Spears. We can just imagine when her manager said to her in 2007.

“Right, Britney mate, you’re a bit boring, yea? I’ve choreographed this plan for the next two years – you can see it on this flow chart – you’re basically going to go absolutely apeshit and do crazy things.

“Kiss a female member of staff, shave all your hair off and look weird, then go and smash stuff with an umbrella. Then when you release an alright cluster of shamefaced emotionless pop drivel, everyone will be like ‘Yea, Britney’s back’.”

Foolproof formula. Watch Alexandra Burke do it later this year; she’s doing to steal one of Simon Cowell’s shoes, write with her left hand and grow out her armpit hair. Then everyone will think she’s an absolute nutter until she releases her next album.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
"I think I left my scarf on the bus...damn..."