When we were growing up, most of the mums who picked up our friends from school weren’t as glamorous as we’d have liked. Miranda Kerr, on the other hand, definitely is.
Maybe it’s the stress of raising a kid, the fact that it was the early 90’s and we were all recovering from the shock of 80’s fashion trends, or the fact that we were children at the time and certainly less appreciative of a beautiful woman, but they all looked sort of tired and shouty.
Miranda had brought enough breasts for everyone
Occasionally one of them would give us some biscuits if we went over to their house - which was nice, but it doesn’t really make up for not being a Victoria’s Secret model. Sainsbury’s own-brand digestives don’t even come close to making up for that, Simon’s Mum.
Miranda Kerr happens to be a Victoria’s Secret model, so odds are she doesn’t even have any biscuits in the house and if they are they’re probably old low-fat ones she brought on a whim and have been quietly sogging away in a tin at the back of a cupboard somewhere.
(As an advance apology for the next two paragraphs being about Orlando Bloom and not Miranda Kerr, he’s a sneaky picture of her taken at fashion shoot for a company called Have Faith swimwear. Sorry)
It'll all be over soon, we promise
Miranda, as we’re sure you’re painfully aware (we are, sniff) is married to boyishly-handsome Hollywood hunk Orlando Bloom, who’s no longer being an elf or falling out of helicopters and instead has just finished making a difficult and thinky film called The Good Doctor, the premiere of which both of them attended at the fancy-pants Tribeca film festival.
Orlando plays a doctor who is Not Actually Good (gasp!) and upon forming a bond with a patient (Riley Keough, who we hadn’t heard of either but is apparently Elvis’ granddaughter) deliberately starts mistreating her to keep her in hospital by his side.
Aaaaand we're done
Misleading! They should call the film The Bad Doctor instead. Poor show.