The new Miss Universe was crowned in Las Vegas last night. So well done to Jimena Navarrente the former Miss Mexico who has now transcended the earthly plain and is now circling above us in the mythical land inhabited by past and present Miss's alike, we call it Booblandia.

But why did Navarrente win? Aside from the obvious reasons of course. Miss Universe is a joint venture between American TV channel and toupé sporting mogul Donald Trump. Apparently, “According to the organizers, the Miss Universe contest is more than a beauty pageant: women aspiring to become Miss Universe must be intelligent, well-mannered, and cultured. Often a candidate has lost because she did not have a good answer during the question responses rounds; although this section of competition has held less importance during recent pageants than it did in the twentieth century. Delegates also participate in swimsuit and evening gown competitions. Currently, the final placement of the finalists is determined by a ranked vote, where each judge ranks each of the final three/five candidates, with the contestant posting the lowest cumulative score (thus often, but not neccessarily always, the contestant with the most number one votes) becoming the winner. If there is a tie, the higher semifinal scores become decisive.”

So really, it’s just a needlessly complicated way of celebrating the female form from around the world. Frankly, whatevs.