Single man, wallow no longer. Nadine Coyle is single again, after breaking up with her fiancé this week. This is obviously really rubbish for Nadine – she famously sold a mere 117 copies of her debut single Insatiable, so it’s not been the best year – but we’re feeling quite optimistic about the news.
Let’s face it. Nadine was the best of the Girls Aloud girls. She had that nice Irish accent, she belted out most of the choruses and she was less likely to get in a fight with you than the others.
"Look at my hand, I'm shaking! SHAKING!"
Then Cheryl was all ‘Here, av been s’lected as a judge faw X Factah pet’ and became propelled to such dizzying heights of fame that when we were in Newcastle at the weekend there was a lot of memorabilia that said ‘I <3 Cheryl’ or ‘Team Chezza’ or things like that. She was a BIG DEAL.
But now she’s out of work. And our whole Girls Aloud hierarchy is muddled up.
So to help ourselves, we have compiled a list of the members to figure out where we stand regarding each one.
Cheryl: popular then very popular then TOO POPULAR then less popular now jobless.
Kimberly: fun and northern but released an awful song then did a lot of telly presenting and grins a lot. Great bum.
Nicola: the quiet one who nobody thought was fit, but is apparently releasing an album of quintessential electro-fused pop-fun that we’re actually a little bit excited about.
Sarah: falling out of nightclubs! Having a few too many scoops on a night out! But wait… settling into country retreat with fiancé? Confusing. Also a bit too edgy (we’re scared of her wild side).
Without a U, Nadine's Scrabble score was destined to suffer
Which leaves Nadine. Popular, then signs to Tesco, then that goes wrong, then she’s single, which elevates her up a few notches on this imaginary and somewhat botched hierarchy.
Conclusion? We have no idea who we like out of Girls Aloud the most. But Nadine is single, so get that aftershave on and remember to wear a belt.