Look! Right on cue, it’s the video to Nadine Coyle’s debut single Insatiable. Listen good. Then listen good some more.

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: Nadine Coyle is Irish. Try and deny that, bitches. You can’t. Well, you can. But you’ll be wrong. Born in Derry, no less, which is sometimes called Londonderry. Not sure why. This Wikipedia page certainly isn’t worth digging into unless you’ve got an hour or two free. We definitely don’t. We’ve got embalming fluid to buy and parking permits to sort out.

You might think it’s about time that Nadine Coyle released her debut single because, after all, Girls Aloud haven’t released anything since the song Untouchable in 2009 from the album Out Of Control, and Cheryl’s been doing it for (what seems like) ages. But Nadine’s been busy, right. Getting engaged. Living in Los Angeles. Owning a pub in Los Angeles. Signing a record deal with Tesco. Tesco! Tesco. Tesco!

So now is the time, the time for Insatiable. Do you like it? Clearly, it’s ‘okay’. You can’t imagine teenagers in pink hoodies singing it at the back of a bus, or two randy 18 year olds getting down to some ferocious jiggery pokery with this playing in the D-I-S-C-O.

Naturally, counting the number of guilty-looking wet-fingered adolescents lingering outside a cheesy club that plays mainly ‘pop music’ is a good way of gauging how good or bad a song is. When Crazy In Love comes on, for example, it’s not uncommon for the dancefloor to clear completely because of all the couples being slightly too aggressive with each other’s genitalia.

We don’t make the rules. We just commentate on them in an irreverent and rarely amusing way. Okay? Great. Sorry. Bye.

MORE NADINE:

1/ Nadine Coyle is leggy at Xbox party
2/ Nadine Coyle's new single
3/ Nadine Coyle is having a good St Patrick's Day

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3/ Emma Stone is in Spiderman 4 (maybe)