Get this down your eyes: Natalie Portman was at a film premiere and she looked terrifyingly amazing and also she looked amazingly terrifying. That is a great trick to be able to play. Scary, but amazing. Amazing, but scary. She was wearing a black dress and red lipstick and pale skin. Look:

Natalie Portman is in the film Black Swan and both her in the film and the film itself are truly excellent. If you liked The Wrestler you’ll probably like Black Swan. It’s directed by the same man: Darren Aronofsky. It follows one person going through some kind of enormously draining ordeal in order to achieve a life’s ambition. The Wrestler: wrestling. Black Swan: ballet.

Hate ballet? DON’T WORRY. Ballet is merely a device used in the film to highlight the emotional and psychological journey that Portman’s character goes through. Hate emotional and psychological journeys? DON’T WORRY. There are also bits when Portman goes out and gets all pissed and has a sexual encounter with Mila Kunis. Don’t like Mila Kunis? GET OUTTA HERE.

If Black Swan doesn’t win an Oscar of some kind we will cook up and eat a copy of FHM. Stew it, most likely. Make it nice of tender, get all the nutrients out, serve it with some mash and a glass of red wine. Which issue of FHM though? The most recent, probably. Won’t have gone off. Might be able to eat it rare. Will be freshly plucked from the shelf. Might. Be. Delicious.