Natalie Portman is starring in a new film called The Black Swan, which is directed by Darren Aronofsky, the man who made The Wrestler, which is a really quite amazing film starring Mickey Rourke. Natalie is at The Venice Film Festival promoting the film, and she looks so lovely that our eyes have got all over-excited at suddenly realising what they were invented for. She is actually the greatest thing in the whole world.

Natalie Portman promoting The Black Swan at the Venice Film Festival

The Black Swan initially sounds kind of boring. It's about a ballet dancer who finds her supremacy challenged by a new dancer. The rivalry causes her to go a bit bonkers and start having paranoid thoughts that this new girl wants to get her. See, why would you go and see that? But the trailer is genuinely insane, in a good way. It might be a bit artsy for some, but we think it looks potentially great. Have a watch.

Now look at another picture of Natalie just being so pretty that if you took her home to meet your parents they'd be so amazed by her wondrousness that they'd both try to marry her and things would get exceptionally awkward.

Natalie Portman looking amazing in Venice

For a long time we thought that maybe if we ever met Natalie Portman we'd get on so well and have so much in common that she'd fall head-over-heels for us and we'd live a life a bit like the film Notting Hill, but with fewer braying, eccentric peripheral friends, 100% less Hugh Grant and no Ronan Keating on the soundtrack. Then we interviewed her, twice, and she treated us like we were just another journalist. That was pretty cold, Natalie. That was not the plan.

Natalie Portman at the Venice Film Festival

Yeah, walk away, Natalie. You go and live your incredible Hollywood life and we'll just go and sit on our own in our flat and eat baked beans out of a tin, while crying. You win.