Well, you would, wouldn’t you? Have a cake, we mean. Nicole Scherzinger certainly figured she ought to, and she did so in a manner befitting an ex-burlesque troupe member – she did it in style.

First things first, she got herself a big ol’ cake. None of this “bought it for four quid at Tesco on the way home from work” nonsense for our Nicole, no siree bob. As you can see above, she’s managed to get hold of a ridiculously huge cake, and she doesn’t seem to be sharing it out AT ALL.

Nicole Scherzinger at her 33rd birthday party
Come on, Nicole, just a little piece

This is clearly unfair. Nicole, with her famously trim (some might even go so far as to say “lithe”) figure can’t seriously be expecting to eat that entire thing by herself, can she? She probably won’t even have a decent-sized slice – you know what these dancer types are like – and the entire thing will sit at the back of a suitably massive fridge until she forgets about it and it goes all mouldy. 

And poor old Lewis Hamilton will have to throw it out, except it’s too big to fit in the bin so he’ll be forced to take it down the tip tied to the top of his Formula One car, and when he pulls up everyone will think “Ooh, there’s fancy pants Lewis Hamilton in his fancy pants Formula One car who’s so rich he can afford to throw away massive cakes while children are starving in Africa” and he’ll feel embarrassed.

Nicole Scherzinger at her 33rd birthday party
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" screamed cake, over and over

Poor old Lewis Hamilton. Share out your cake, Nicole. He doesn’t need folk judging him down at the tip.