Pamela Anderson gets enough media coverage to fill a black hole. Which is why we're going to start with a lesser known story, in the true spirit of investigative journalism. After the revelations that her husband, former Chelsea defender Jason Cundy (also of Spurs, Crystal Palace, Ipswich Town, and Portsmouth, for those of you who are interested), was cheating on her with an opera singer, Lizzie Cundy needed to let her hair down. So, what better way to do it than go to the premiere of a short film shot entirely on a Nokia N8 phone that stars Pamela Anderson. Now, you may think it odd that we've approached this article from a rather unorthodox angle, digressing to such an extent that we're not even interested in the main story. Well, we have good reason. Liz is a proud example of a stoical Brit, getting on with her ordinary, mundane life in the face of adversity. Liz Cundy, we salute you.

However, as we want to provide you with a more rounded assessment of the evening's proceedings, we feel obligated, out of professional necessity, to provide you with at least one picture of the star of the film.

It's funny, although Baywatch seems like aeons ago, she's still retained everything she had then. Her DNA is immune to the forces of gravity. We wonder how some people do that. You know, age really well. We've always thought it strange that a lot of very rich people seem to have curiously wrinkle-free features. But we put that down to not having to sit up all night clawing at their faces due to unsolvable financial woes. You don't think it could be anything else, do you?