That Cannes film festival, eh? Yeah, we know all about that. We know all about films and everything. We’re totally not just staying up to date with it on account of the sexy women (such as Penelope Cruz) who are attending.

Penelope Cruz is gorgeous at Cannes 2011
Here's what Penelope Cruz looks like, in case you've forgotten

You got us! That was a lie. Anyway, on to Penelope Cruz. She’s got that new Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides film out, which we don’t especially want to waffle on about more than we have to but she insists on looking absolutely gorgeous at promotional event after promotional event.

Up until now, we’ve managed to resist. We’ve been strong. We’ve fought off the urge to say “Jesus, would you look at this woman” like five times a day and instead offered you news about other vitally important things, like Jennifer Aniston selling water in the nude, or Rachel Stevens wearing a golden dress, or Arianny Celeste not wearing a bikini

And another one. Are you noticing a theme yet?

Important stuff that isn’t just talking about upcoming films and the gorgeous women therein.

But the time has come, we fear, for our defences to break down. It’s been more than a week since she was last on here, but she looks so good in all these pictures it felt wrong to not tell you guys about it. We’re dreadfully sorry.

That's it, we're done now. Go home folks, show's over

We hope you can forgive our keenness, and that you’ll be able to grit your teeth and struggle manfully (or, well, womanfully if that’s more your thing) through all these pictures of the Official Most Beautiful Pirate in the World Penelope Cruz.