Swedish Petra Silander is a Swedish model who’s just done some Swedish modelling for Austrian lingerie people Palmers. On a scale of one to Scandinavian, that’s literally 7.5. On a scale of one to Austrian, that’s literally 2.5. Petra Silander, meanwhile, is literally 10.0 on every level. Observe:
That, readers, is the kind of picture that makes us feel all funny inside for a brief period of time. Her dishevelled hair. Her perfect skin. The way she’s wearing something that a normal woman might actually wear in a way that a normal woman might actually wear it. Her perfect curves. How really bloody clean she looks. There ain’t no muck on Petra. Holy shit Sweden, first IKEA and now this.
It’s very nearly too much. Sweden of course has a reputation for excellent stuff. The film Let The Right One In. Freddie Ljungberg. This guy we once met on a cycling press trip who was incredibly cool, wore black jeans with black boots, wasn’t afraid to wear sunglasses indoors and gave the general impression that he was probably a member of the undead. This girl called Alice who went out with man we know called Richard who could make really great dinners. A good flag. Abba.
We don’t know much about Palmers, except that Palmers isn’t a great name for a lingerie brand. You might as well call it NOT AS EXCITING AS VICTORIA’S SECRET. And that would be an extremely bad idea. We understand that Palmers was probably established by a man called Mr Palmers, or Mr Palmer, or, more likely, given the lack of punctuation, two or more people with the surname Palmer, but Victoria’s Secret wasn’t set up by someone called Victoria. It was set up by someone called Roy Raymond. And Victoria’s Secret is a much better name than Raymonds. Do you see?