Miley Cyrus, who’s not old enough to walk into a supermarket and buy a bottle of fizzy plonk, was at a big Asda in Spondon, Derby to sign CDs, DVDs and launch a new clothing line in the store’s George department recently. Cyrus turns 18 at the end of this month, so she’s clearly getting all the boring stuff out of the way before letting lose and celebrating in style like Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan would. Hang on. That’s not right.

Cyrus will have to wait until she’s 21 to get her slurp on in the US. Although she is privy to all those VIP backstage areas where anything goes and she can afford to have a house party that'd finish off Keith Richards. Who are we kidding? Have you seen this girl’s music videos?

What do you say to that, eh? If you’re sensible, you’ll just nod and say whatever her mum says to that, because her mum knows best. Or maybe the Hannah Montana star knows best, because she’s got about 50 million quid in the bank and a tattoo under her left tit that says, ‘Just Breathe’. So pure. You can’t argue with zen like that, not when it’s brought her such power. This is Miley Cyrus inciting a media uproar by flashing a combination of tattoo and sideboob at the MTV Europe Music Awards:

Miley Cyrus shows off her tattoo with sideboob 

See what she did? She doesn’t turn 18 until November 23 yet she’s winking at cameras on the red carpet going, ‘Get your big telephoto lens out boys, because on the left hand side of my body, right underneath you know what, is a tattoo. If you can get a photo of that, you won’t have to work again for a month. Oh look, my hair’s is the way. Bummer.’ She used to work for Disney, you know.

Miley Cyrus photoshoot at Asda