Tiger, tiger, burning bright
Oh that her panties weren’t so tight

As you can see, poetry isn’t our forte. It’s a shame, because we’ve heard that it was Tiger Woods’s little-known ability to write and sing sonnets that enticed Rachel Uchitel to sleep with him. Why is it women are such suckers for a man with a ukulele? Anyway, no stranger to controversy, the nightclub hostess is here pictured on the beach going beyond even the boundaries of her own self- promotion by displaying a good part of the functionings of her downstairs compartment. Word is that Uchitel is gagging to get back with Woods now that his divorce from Elin Nordegren has been finalised, and if we were him, we’d currently be drooling at her heels and gibbering nonsensically. Which she’s sure to be turned on by. Then again, if we were also him we’d give up golf and buy Hugh Hefner’s Playboy mansion.

We know she’s a naughty girl, cheating with a married man and all, but she’s has quite a rough ride too. She was engaged to a man killed in the 9/11 attacks and her subsequent marriage in 2004 only lasted four months. She recently took part in Celebrity Rehab, where it was revealed she had an alcohol and drug addiction, and has admitted to having a sexual addiction to boot, which Tiger was also treated for after the discovery of his philandering ways. So, the moral of the day is people ain’t all bad.

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