What a lovely day it is today. The sun is shining, the phone has stopped ringing and someone has brought back a GIANT Kit Kat, which we have marvelled at for at least fifteen minutes. We thought it would be just nice if we made a cup of tea, broke off a finger and settled down to watch this lovely video of Rhian Sugden that someone charitably sent us.

Gosh, we thought, Rhian Sugden is attractive. How come we don’t hear more about her? Her hair looks so lovely and luscious in the wind, and don’t even get us started on that foxy getup she’s got on. She may not be getting an Oscar any time soon, but who needs an Oscar when you’re Rhian Sugden-shaped? Crikey this is a sexy video for a Monday. We weren’t expecting all this. And what’s she doing there?

This goes very well with a Kit Kat

Good lord this IS a sexy video. Wait a minute, what’s that bulge? OH MY GOD OH MY GOD, what the fuck has she got there? Wheel away from desk; abort Kit Kat; attempt to wash eyeballs. And that’s the story of how Rhian Sugden in the space of 2 seconds became as sexually attractive as in between our Uncle Fred’s toes.

This does NOT go well with a Kit Kat

For the love of Pete, there isn’t even a PERSON attached to those wispy sacks of skin that Rhian is fondling in the most cavalier of fashions. Those are BALLS Rhian. Not only are they not designed to be dangling from your clenched palm, they should certainly not be hanging out the side of your nick nocks.

To be fair, now that image is burned onto your retinas for all time the campaign has worked. We would check our balls 18 times a day if it meant Rhian Sugden never did that again.

For more deets, check out www.touchingmyself.org, if you've got the balls.