If there’s anything Kanye West likes more than making Taylor Swift cry, it’s knocking out a banging music video. The last one, for Runaway, was a whopping thirty-four minutes and thirty-two seconds long.
Just think, in that time, you could cook a lovely steak dinner and still have time to do the washing up, write a nice letter to a penpal, or listen to most of the new Radiohead album. You almost certainly couldn't do one of Jamie Oliver's 30-Minute Meals, though. As two of FHM's friends said on Saturday night: "The 'spinach and feta filo pie' took me an hour-and-a-half"... "That's nothing, the lasagne took me nearly three hours. And it was shit."
Not a sleeping cat (Note: caption will make sense shortly)
This latest Kanye video, for the song All of the Lights, is a comparatively modest five-minutes twenty-two seconds. That hasn’t stopped it getting over two million views in two days on Youtube, though. Okay, okay, a video of a cat sleeping can get 10 million views in one day on Youtube, but to get lots of views without the use of a somnolent cat, a baby that looks like it’s drunk (BUT ISN’T) or an animal riding on another animal, is impressive. Sheesh, hard to impress today, aren’t you? It's got Rihanna and lots of flashy lights in it - what more do you want? A decent lasagne in half an hour? Tough, that's impossible.
This is what Rihanna would look like if she were an egocentric planet. She's not though, of course
At the time of writing, the All of the Lights video has been largely well-received, having garnered 21,690 ‘likes’ and only 1,735 ‘dislikes’ on the Youtube page. Weird aren’t they, dislikes? If you’re someone who likes watching music videos, likes Kanye West and therefore decide to watch this video, what exactly do you ‘dislike’ about it?
Maybe it’s Kanye West. Maybe it’s Rihanna. Maybe it’s the heavy bass and punchy beats. Maybe it’s the mild references to violence and gang culture. Maybe it’s the musicyness. Or the videoyness. “I clicked on this Kanye West music video in good faith, I had NO reason to believe there would be any Kanye West, music or video present. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer. DiSLIKE.”
"This heaving, ample cleavage is definitely NOT what I wanted to see"
Or, if you’re the infinitely charming ‘moe78ak47’, you think “cool video, I wanna suck milk outta Rhrianna tits”. We’re not sure if he clicked ‘like’, or ‘dislike’ because the video didn’t contain an offer to extract laiche from Rihanna’s chest like a horny little baby. We’ll let you know.