Hey, remember the last time you were at a music festival? Bet you looked like crap, didn't you? Three days without a shower, sitting in a muddy field, sweating your nuts off in the drum and bass pavillion every night, continually wreathed in exotic-smelling smoke - none of these do any great favours for your complexion. Or your body odour. There's only so much that splashing your face with cold water and covering yourself in deodorant can do.

Rihanna gets sexy at the 2011 V Festival
Shorts: short

Rihanna, on the other hand, always looks great. Here she is at V Festival last weekend (did anyone go? We were recovering from Gamescom - boy, can those PR reps drink) wearing a suitably patriotic vest, and lacking a pair of suitably patriotic trousers. We'll let her off. She's doing some good things in those hotpants and fishnet stockings.

You'll note that she doesn't look like crap at all. She looks fantastic. She's probably even had a night's sleep beforehand and not lost her phone jumping up and down to Arctic Monkeys.

Not only does Rihanna looks good, she smells good too. "Hey FHM," we hear you say through your afternoon tea and Monster Munch, "not only is that statement a little bit creepy now we think about it but, also, it's very hard to prove. She could reek like a sock full of ripe brie left behind a radiator for all you know." Well, in response to that - firstly, stop talking with your mouth full. Didn't your mum teach you anything? 

And sit up straight, too, your posture is terrible

And secondly, Rihanna must smell great because she just got back from a promotional jaunt for her perfume, Reb'l Fleur, in London. Were there pictures taken of this? Of course. But she's wearing a ridiculous feathery dress that isn't as hot as a union-jack top and a pair of short shorts, so we prioritised because we're nice like that. Logicially, she must have a bottle squirreled away somewhere, and she'll be daubing it on between songs. She's not just dousing herself in Lynx and hoping for the best like you do every year.