When we brought you pictures of Chantelle Houghton hoisted atop a Christmas tree for a promotional stunt, we thought that was big news. Now, only a real superstar has gone and done the same thing, albeit she managed to retain her dignity by virtue of not being forklifted up on a crane. Instead, she settled for just switching on the lights. Yes, unfortunately for Rihanna, she didn't get the opportunity to thoroughly humiliate herself, but rather looked infuriatingly aloof and carefree throughout. Some people could be shovelling manure and still emanate style. Rihanna is one of those people. But we doubt if we could ever put it to the test.
She's certainly got the hair colour to match the festivites. And her arrival at Westfield prompted pandemonium, with thousands of fans taking a break from buying eyeliner/drinking a frappuccino/arguing with their boyfriend/loitering to watch the Amazonian singer (she's actually Barbadan) switch on the lights. The customary tweet ensued, "Westfield Mall, London. It's BANANAS in here". Now, we don't like pedants. In fact, they are akin to protozoa, but please, Rihanna. It's not a 'Mall', it's a SHOPPING CENTRE. You should know that 'When in Rome...do what the Americans do'. Good advice. Always follow American tourists, and you'll never go wrong. You'll certainly never go hungry.
Look how she can draw a crowd even while counting backwards from ten. We try that in bars sometimes, you know, start shouting out an impromptu countdown. It's a really good way of clearing a room, incidentally. Especially if you can manage to perfect that look of 'dead behind the eyes'. That really gets them panicking.