Some bloke called Matt won X Factor last night. Blah, blah, wonderful, blah, blah, blah. Let’s try and get Bob the Builder to No.1 this Christmas, so we can deprive Lord Cowell of the coveted top spot once again. Sorry. Excuse our sour grapes. We were praying for One Direction to win, if only so that they could all bound out of the studios ebulliently, before a grand piano tragically fell on their blow-dried little heads. It was the Coyote.

Much more interesting was Rihanna’s rather risqué performance on the Saturday night show. After emerging in a black and white striped number at the beginning, we were suspicious that something was afoot. It looked more like a dressing gown than a dress. Then, miraculously, halfway through her rendition of “What’s my name”, the outer garment came off and revealed a rather colourful mismatch of panty and bra.


This is all you're getting, boys. Rihanna AFTER the impromptu striptease

The usual collection of puritanical love-haters complained that there was too much flesh and suggestive cavorting on display before the 9pm watershed. To them, we prescribe a daily dosage of Loose Women and a bi-weekly, oral ingestion of Jeremy Kyle. If that doesn’t alert them to their hypocrisy, it would at least render them speechless for a while.

We should mention that Christina Aguilera was also on the show, performing one of the musical numbers from her upcoming film Burlesque. But, being rather disturbed by the unbridled raunchiness of her performance, it’s drawn an almost complete blank in our memory (sort of like the feeling you get the morning after a night in a strip club – not that we’d know). Maybe those puritans have a point after all.