What did you do on your last birthday? Ours was a grim affair: even though 40 people said they’d turn up on Facebook, everyone got the wrong address and ended up going to another party down the road, which, from the sounds of things, was way more fun.

These things happen, and have happened for the last few years, come to think of it. But no matter how dire our celebrations turn out, it’s still better than one of Rihanna’s birthdays.

Surely not, you cry? You’d imagine Ri-Ri spending her birthday in a funky bar, surrounded by popular, attractive people and constantly requesting the DJ to play her songs so she gets more royalties. Smarter than the average popstar, I think you’ll agree.

But instead, the Bajan beauty spent her birthday working. Yes, she performed an 11-minute medley of all her hits at the NBA All-Star halftime show, which included Jay-Z and Beyonce as avid spectators. Even Beiber was there.


"Don't look now, but some prick's trying to take our picture"

Rihanna was joined by rapper Drake for What’s My Name and Kanye West showed up in a typically flamboyant fashion for All Of The Lights, a seizure-inducing colour-fest of a performance.

To be honest, it sounds like her 11-minute performance was more fun than the actual game. We’ve been trying to figure out the rules of this basketball malarkey but it’s harder than poaching an egg.

Rihanna’s been getting some stick from the press for being a bit raunchy – her X-Factor finale performances were deemed a bit risqué and at the NBA show she grabbed her crotch quite a lot. To those spoilsports we say: stop ruining our fun – and how the hell do you poach an egg? Answers on a postcard please.