So Selena Gomez, right, is going out with that Justin Bieber kid. Just to make sure you’re all thoroughly jealous, here's a picture of her in a sexy dress taken on Saturday night at the Billboard awards.
We’re not necessarily surprised – Justin Bieber is a teen idol, and so is Selena Gomez, so it makes sense that the two of them should get together. It’s just... well, he’s not even old enough to shave yet. (is he? His cheeks are always so smooth, unlike our grizzled old man-faces)
We’re not bitter.
Alright, actually, we are bitter. Mainly because we can’t quite bring ourselves to properly hate Justin Bieber. His music is irritating, sure – about as irritating as a rash crossed with a fly in your room that somehow manages to make the noise of a car alarm at irregular intervals throughout the night – but his music’s not for us.
Also the car alarm chews with it's mouth open
It’s for screaming tween girls, which brings us to the second point of why we can’t fully hate him. Those high-pitched screeching masses are what’s at the heart of this, not him. And the fact that, at his age, we’d just managed to awkwardly pluck up the courage to ask a spotty girl out to the cinema.
But, you know, he is kind of an easy target. He’s quite good-looking, in an easily-punchable sort of way. And all the money he has. And the fact that his job consists of singing songs and not slaving over a hot keyboard. Maybe we can bring ourselves to hate him, you know? Maybe if we work hard at it we can build up some top-quality jealous ire for the little sod.
So just in case you were starting to have a good Tuesday, bear this in mind; he’s probably getting off with Selena Gomez as you read this. And you’re probably at work or sat at home in your pants. Sad times.