Want Sam Faiers or one of her sexy friends to bring you a drink at a cricket match? Sure you do. Read on for more details...
We’ve all been there – it’s a hot, balmy August afternoon and you’re settling down to watch some fine cricketing action. But you’re thirsty – oh, so thirsty – thanks to this heat, so you begrudgingly leave the stands and drag your sweaty carcass to the bar. You order a fine refreshing beverage, and you’re peeling your wallet out of a moist pocket when you hear a cheer.
This is Porchia. She's one of the many "assistants" you can "win"
Something happened! In the cricket! And you weren’t there to see it! The crowd goes wild, and you slump, defeated and hot, smile sadly at the barmaid and take a sip of your beverage. ‘What a shame,’ you think. ‘I missed that exciting event. If only I could have hired someone to buy a drink for me. Someone from a team fronted by The Only Way Is Essex sexpot Sam Faiers.'
Well, actually, we haven’t all been there, because cricket is officially the slowest game in the history of mankind after octogenarian snooker, sloth racing, iceberg surfing and golf.
We’ve watched entire matches without anything happening at all, but then again, perhaps we’re coming at this in the wrong frame of mind. Maybe years of fizzy drinks, alcohol abuse and 80s Saturday morning TV shows have rotted our brains to the point where we just can’t enjoy a game where a ball can be “well left” and that is somehow both interesting and relevant.
This is Stacey. Say hello!
Enter Twenty20 cricket, which makes the game more 'adrenaline fuelled.' Wouldn’t be hard, really. We’ve had baths that were more adrenaline fuelled than your average game of cricket. Twenty20 does all sorts of fascinating things to the rules that we’re sure other people understand and care about, bringing the game down from lasting ‘forever’ to a nail-bitingly scant three and a half hours, or about as long as the last Lord of the Rings movie.
Seeing as it’s all happening in such a short length of time, you don’t want to miss any of it. Hence the arrival of the Lazy Bar Walkers (or “LBW,” ha ha, we’re sure that’s a cracking pun if you give a shit about cricket) headed up by Sam Faiers who will - if you’re lucky enough to win the associated competition - go buy food and drinks for you while you watch the game. And sit next to you looking pretty.
And this, of course, is Sam Faiers, who is weirdly high-contrast in comparison to the other girls
If you’re attending a Twenty20 match, why not enter on the LBW webpage? And if girls aren’t your thing, there’s a couple of big muscly men in daft shorts who could carry your drinks, too. Equal opportunities and all that.