Selena Gomez is in a new film called Monte Carlo, and to promote it she’s going around the US and performing in malls to crowds of screaming fans. She’s also wearing hot pants in an aid to grab attention, which has definitely worked.

It’s worked in as much as, well, here we are, writing about it and here you are reading the words we’ve written. So top marks there, Selena. You can wear hot pants as often as you please.


Fun fact: Selena Gomez possesses astonishing powers of levitation

So what’s this new film about? To be frank, it sounds awful, but it’s not really aimed at us. A rough synopsis: three girls (Gomez, Leighton Meester, and someone else who wasn’t important enough to be mentioned in the synopsis) are supposed to be going to Paris on a holiday (snooze) and instead get whisked off to Monte Carlo via an hilarious set of comedic circumstances.

Ho ho. The plot only thickens when Selena is mistaken for a prominent British Heiress, and then it’s posh frocks and parties and dashing European princes all the way.

Selena Gomez performs in a Santa Monica mall
"My microphone's got my name written on it diamonds. What's yours got, bitch?"

As we’ve said, not our sort of thing. Here’s a better synopsis, which is entirely false: three girls (Gomez, Meester, and Victoria Justice why the hell not) go to Paris to take part in an international jewel heist which devolves into a gunfight when their nemesis Taylor Momsen shows up.

The plot only thickens when Selena is mistaken for a prominent British Heiress and so begins a plot to steal the crown jewels right off the Queen’s head, and it’s posh frocks and pump-action shotguns and Sapphic sexual tension all the way.

Selena Gomez performs in a Santa Monica mall
Water bottle's friend was drunk again

Sadly, they’re not making that film. Still, we can enjoy these pictures of Selena until they do.