Curvy, tanned, overtly amorous, sex-tape starring, supreme socialite Kim Kardashian and pallor-faced punk warrior Avril Lavigne make unlikely bedfellows. We thought we’d see Andy Gray and Sian Massey going for ice cream or Charlie Sheen and a tiger frolicking in the local park long before we saw Kim Kardashian and Avril Lavigne hanging out together.
But life’s full of surprises and, at A-Lav’s album launch in New York last night, she was flanked by none other than Kim Kardashian.
If we were the a popular red top Sunday tabloid called the News of the World, we might have hacked the phones of Avril Lavigne and Kim Kardashian and bugged their bedrooms so we could hear what they were talking about. But we’re not. And, if we ever gained access to either of their bedrooms, we’d have far more pressing matters to attend to than hiding tiny microphones. Like leave, because we weren’t invited. Or, at worst, have a little sleep, but only if we were really tired. And we wouldn’t get under the covers. And we’d keep all of our clothes on. Apart from our shoes and coat. And maybe our jumper, if we were wearing one. But mainly we’d just leave. We don’t even know why we’re there in the first place, to be honest.
Oh how we laughed
So, here is a conversation between Kim Kardashian and Avril Lavigne which we might have overheard if we’d taped their conversations but almost certainly wouldn’t have because we’ve completely made it up:
Avril: Err… hey, Kim. What you doing in my room?
Kim: Oh, right. Yeah, hi. I was just having a little sleep.
Avril: That’s a bit weird, what with us never having met before and stuff.
Kim: Hmm, yeah, I guess. That’s kinda just how I roll. Don’t freak out, I took my shoes and coat off and I didn’t get under the covers and I kept the rest of my clothes on so it’s not weird or anything.
Avril: Yeah, that’s cool. Hey, what you doing tonight? Fancy coming to my album launch party?
Kim: Darn tootin’. That sounds mighty fine.
Avril: Cool. Why have you just started talking like a tragically stereotypical cowgirl?
Kim: I ain’t right sure, darl.
Kim: For this album launch party we’re going to now we’re best pals an’ all – have you got any Doc Martens I can borrow?
Avril: No, soz.
Kim: No wozzers. I’ll just wear skintight leather trousers and high heels.
Avril: Cool, let’s go.
Kim: Yes, let’s.
[They leave the room. We contemplate whether this is too weird to publish. Decide 'no'.]
"If she's doing the bunny ears I'll kill her" thought Avril