Yet more proof that children can be incredibly cruel, comes in the revelation that South American sensation Sofia Vergara was nicknamed ‘toothpick’ when she was growing up.

”I was ridiculously skinny when I was younger,” revealed the 38-year-old to American women’s magazine Shape. “People used to call me palillo, which means toothpick in Spanish.”

Sofia in Shape magazine, out now

It also means that Colombian nicknames are a lot more imaginative than British ones. When FHM was growing up our mates were monikered things like “McCabe”, because it was his surname, “Cal”, because it was short for his first name and “Ginge”, because his hair was ginger.

Sorry, back onto the voluptuous Vergara. The actress, who plays feisty Colombian Gloria in hit comedy Modern Family, lost the nickname as a teenager when she developed buoyant bosoms and became known as 'dos melones', which means two melons in Spanish.

Elbow frowned, it had been a long day

Okay, that’s a lie, but a couple of facts that are true are a) she was recently named Hollywood’s Most Voluptuous Vixen and b) she didn’t feature in FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2010 ranking. How? Why? What were you thinking? Have you seen those curves? And lips? Makes amends this year or else we’ll take revenge.

And talking of revenge, we need your best tales. Have you ever ‘borrowed’ a mate’s goat? Or published a video of a pal necking a 'blimey, she’s hideous, at least 15-stone' lass in the kebab shop queue? Let us know, because there could be £25 in it for you.

The Colombian Embassy Visa queue: sexy