Sofia Vergara, spicy Colombian Modern Family actress and general gorgeous person, is one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world.
Well, one of the 50 most beautiful people in the world according to People en Español (that’s “People in Spanish,” for our non-hispanophone readers), a list which she’s been in for six years. She’s fought off sterling competition from... from... well, no-one we recognise. We’re sure they’re all beautiful in their own way. Definitely. Actually, Enrique Englasias was on there, and he’s quite good looking.
These pictures were taken at their swanky gala event last night (or “ayer por la noche,” as they’d say, on account of being Hispanic and whatnot) where she squeezed into a corset generating some truly impressive cleavage (or “escision,” as they’d say).
Should you ever run into Sofia Vergara, you’ll be pleased to hear that she speaks English fluently. But maybe you want to impress her with your bilingual skills, so here’s a quick guide to some things you could say to seduce her of a hot Colombian evening. Cut out and keep it* in case the situation presents itself:
Also, here's a picture of her that you can practice the lines on
Hello gorgeous, can I buy you a drink?: Hola preciosa, ¿puedo comprar un trago?
I hope that corset is easier to get off than it is to put on: Espero que el corsé es más fácil de bajar de lo que es de poner.
I’m not saying you’re fat or anything, love, not at all, I was just saying how it must have been hard, you know, squeezing into it: No estoy diciendo que estás gorda ni nada, el amor, no del todo, sólo estaba diciendo lo que debe haber sido duro, ya sabes, apretando en ella
I’M NOT SAYING YOU’RE FAT: NO ESTOY DICIENDO QUE ESTÁS GORDA
Jesus, you know what, forget it, I’m sorry, I was just trying to be nice: Jesús, ¿sabes qué, olvídalo, lo siento, yo sólo estaba tratando de ser amable
No, she thought I was saying she was fat, turns out FHM don’t speak Spanish after all and just ran it through free translation software online. What a waste of time. You getting the nest round in then?: No, ella pensó que yo estaba diciendo que estaba gorda, resulta FHM no hablanespañol, después de todo y sólo se ejecutó a través de internet gratis el software de traducción. ¡Qué pérdida de tiempo. Usted está consiguiendo la ronda nido enentonces?
*Do not attempt to cut out and keep parts of your flatscreen monitor! It will probably not work