Look at that lady up there who looks like a mermaid. If we’d known about her 15 years ago when we were debating with ourselves whether or not it was okay to fancy Ariel from The Little Mermaid, things would’ve been so different. Of course we decided it was okay to lust after a cartoon character/cuddly toy/figment of Walt Disney’s imagination and for years all we did when not at school or outside playing with some bigger boys was construct a strange fantasy world in our bedroom. We were the king, Ariel was the queen. We were very much in love and had 46 children, all of which lived in a bowl on the windowsill and were tadpoles. They never became frogs. We had green sarongs dangling from the walls to replicate the authentic feel of an underwater empire and every time we got the chance, on a day out to the beach for example, we’d bring some seaweed home. When we knew that everyone was asleep we’d wrap it round ourselves instead of our pants and go to sleep with a stuffed Ariel toy in our arms.

Had we known – HAD WE KNOWN – we’d have gone outside a lot more. And, seeing as these pictures are part of an exhibition called Fantasy Females Are Impossible To Satisfy that’s featuring at Art London (a sort of art festival that opens at the Royal Hospital in Chelsea and runs from Thursday October 7 to Monday October 11), we’d have gone to art galleries a lot more. But you live and learn and you learn not to regret. In hindsight, Ariel was the best girlfriend we ever had. And she’s sure as hell the only one we’ve thrown on a bonfire.

Go to Artlondon.net for some more info.


1/ Sneak Art
2/ Met Art
3/ Gemma Arterton


1/ Katherine Jenkins ran a race
2/ Paris Hilton isn't allowed into Japan
3/ Jessica Alba strips for Machete