Country and Western singer Taylor Swift has recently been awarded a mysterious shard of transparent crystal. What wonders lie within? Why has she been entrusted to guard it? 

We aren't sure where the mysterious shard came from. We could do some research – we could even look at the caption at the bottom of the picture – but there's NO TIME. This is too fascinating. Assuming the shard was gifted to her by duplicitous and conniving deep elves, as is their wont, Taylor must now protect the crystal shard with her life – and the lives of others, if she's to succeed.

Taylor Swift at the CMAs
So much death for so little gain

We imagine that it carries a great curse, woven out of Othersilk by phase-spiders as it was. Their machinations cannot penetrate the veil between worlds without marring the strands of fate and condemning all that touch their works to a life of sadness and misery.

And yet Taylor Swift is not unhappy at all – in fact, she's happy to have received it.  Look at her smiling. Does she think that her incredible musical talent will keep the inter-dimensional Hunting Hounds, agents of disorder, at bay?

Taylor Swift at the CMAs
Their coming is as the night

Will her dazzling eyes lure their black and twisted hearts into a false sense of security, so she can strike – focusing the limitless power of the shard into a single coruscating ray that burns with colours not of this world, searing away their drives and passions and leaving them withered, emotionless husks?

Perhaps. Or maybe it's just a Country Music Association award she won because she's so good at singing and playing guitar. That'd be boring, though. No-one would write an article about that.