Audrina Partridge is a special case. Quite often, when news about sexy women comes up, it’ll be “so-and-so releases a new single and has a nice bum” or “so-and-so went to something vaguely important and looked great doing it.” But with Audrina Partridge, the news is the same every single time.

“Audrina Partridge is in a bikini.” Every time. We’re beginning to suspect that she doesn’t even own any other clothes, and spends the winter wrapped in increasingly fluffy towels as the temperature lowers and the frost sets in. Or maybe she just flits between saunas. Or has big men rub her all over so as to stay warm.


Audrina Partridge is so pretty that people do somersaults when she claps

It’s not clear, although more thorough research does indicate that she occasionally wears sexy dresses for Dancing with the Stars, although she might be borrowing them off someone else. But they fit so well! And what with her being an actress (sort of), and modelling bikinis when she’s not onscreen, then surely she could afford a jumper or two?

It’s confusing. We’re going to launch a massive investigative journalism campaign to see if Audrina actually owns real clothes that you could go to the shops in. Sure, it’s going to involve a lot of looking at pictures of her in bikinis, and seeing if there’s any clothes in the background that might fit her. But by God, we’ll get to the bottom of this.


Hours of punishing research await

Oh, and there was a woman nearby doing backflips. Yeah. Don't know what was going on there. 

(Also? We’re beginning to suspect that this isn’t quite “news,” per se. Is that a problem? We won’t tell anyone if you don’t. Sure, it’s not world-shaking stuff, and we doubt it’ll show up in the history books as one of the “important things that happened last weekend,” but we still felt that you’d want to know)

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