We’ve had quite a few fantasies involving Victoria’s Secret Angels Candice Swanepoel, Adriana Lima and Erin Heatherton.
There was the one where Adriana Lima was our history teacher, but history was a bit different to how we remember it being in real school. We woke up absolutely convinced that Barney the Friendly Dinosaur discovered America, Frankie Sandford from The Saturdays assassinated Hitler having honed her skills on Call of Duty, and Kelly Brook scored a decisive hat-trick in the 1966 World Cup Final. Turns out Adriana Lima isn’t the best history teacher. That’s probably why she jacked that in and became an Angel. Good career move, Adriana Lima. After all, everyone knows it was Mollie King from The Saturdays.
The Gruffalo snuck up unnoticed
Then there was the fantasy involving Erin Heatherton, in which everything she touched turned to M&M’s. It was incredible, at first. We’d be walking hand in hand through the park, when she’d deftly brush a small tree with her spare hand, and it would collapse into a generous pile of multicoloured but all tasting exactly the same and whoever says otherwise is a complete moron tasty treats. We’d both dive in head first, swallowing the chocolatey pills of deliciousness, until one got lodged and we started choking. After a while, having everything turned into M&M’s became a bit of a drag, particularly when our puppy jumped up onto Erin's lap and she stroked it. It’s really bloody hard to play fetch with a dog-shaped mound of M&M’s, let us tell you.
As for Candice Swanepoel, well, quite near the end of the above video, at about 1:56, she asks “what are your Victoria’s Secret Fantasies?” Haven’t you been listening, Candice Swanepoel? HAVEN’T YOU? Not being rude, but if you’re not going to pay attention, we’re not going to waste our time telling you about our fantasies. Sheesh.
Push pineapple shake a tree
By the way, what the hell happens at 1:18? Adriana Lima seems to be possessed by some kind of love-monster.
Yes, we want to be that love-monster.