This is Jenna Dewan. Say “Hello, Jenna Dewan”. Jenna Dewan says 'hello'.
Now we’ve got those customary niceties out of the way, let’s get down to business.
You know the drill: we show you a few photos of an attractive lady looking attractive, you think “Mmm, she looks nice. Based purely on looks, I’d like her to be my girlfriend, or at least a friend I can do stuff like hold hands and go to the zoo with. But I need to know more about her before I can commit to anything”. So we tell you a bit about the lady in question, except our whimsical fancy regularly means we end up pontificating about poached eggs or that nightmare we had where Liam Gallagher was every member of The Beatles, rather than drilling into the minutiae of whatever nongermane event said lady was attending.
Here comes a picture:
We own that hat. Haven't worn it for ages. In fact, maybe that is our exact hat...
Here comes a bit about Jenna Dewan that hides a tiny segment of information within some fanciful prose about choirs, Lionel Messi’s fringe, and cheerleaders:
Jenna Dewan was born in Connecticut and had one of those shiny-teethed glossy-haired American sweetheart adolescences where life was a blissful walk in the park accompanied by the omnipresent harmony of a gospel choir gently sing-whispering “You’re the best around” at all times.
She went to Grapevine High School in Texas and was a varsity cheerleader, winning loads of dance competition awards. If you want to imagine what it’s like being a varsity cheerleader, imagine being Lionel Messi in the school football team, but having a really cool haircut instead of that dodgy fringemullet thing he’s got. Oh, and imagine he has a cracking body. And puts out.
Here comes another picture:
Enjoy it while it lasts
And here comes the part where you’ve decided you definitely would like to hold hands and stuff with Jenna Dewan before your dreams are crushed like a penguin whose sole dream in life is to fly like an eagle:
Jenna Dewan is married. Worse, she’s married to a man called Channing Tatum. He was also at the event at which these photos were taken, something to do with Vanity Fair and Chrysler and the film The Fighter. He’s all handsome and successful and OH JUST SHUT UP.
Here comes the moment where we give up on love and end it all: