That’s Kate Middleton, of course, but you’re not allowed to call her that these days. We’re not sure that the Royal family is what Britain really needs right now – if we need to strip down to a leaner, more modern global force or whether keeping hold of our historical institutions is paramount to a strong national identity – but we are dead sure that we fancy the Duchess of Cambridge. Which is a bit of weird sentence to write.

The Duchess of Cambridge at the ARK gala 2011
Still, here we go

Here’s that woman we fancy, then, who also happens to be a possible future Queen of England. What if she’s still this hot when she’s the Queen? We can’t quite fathom fancying our rulers. It just doesn’t quite pan out.

She, and that bloke she’s married to – the future King of England, that’s right – were at a benefit do last night for the children’s charity ARK. If you’re interested,* ARK stands for ‘Absolute Return for Kids,’ which is a forced acronym if ever there was one. 

The Duchess of Cambridge at the ARK gala 2011
That's Prince William, there, on the left. We figured you know what he looks like already and cropped him out

Their website says that’s they’ve helped over 200,000 children, which is pretty good going. We once carried our nephew on our shoulders after accidentally making him cry, so we’ve got a way to go before we beat that.

Anyway, there she is. In other Middleton-related news, Pippa Middleton – that one with the arse – failed to win Rear of the Year and lost out to Carol Vorderman, of all people, which is a crying shame. Although – to be honest – we probably still would. Vorderman, we mean. You know. All that maths can get kind of sexy sometimes.

* What, you're not interested? Well, don't read the rest of the sentence, then.