If you watched the Eurovision Song Contest this weekend, you probably emerged from it asking the following questions.

01 How difficult was it for Austrian drag queen winner, Conchita Wurst, to keep her beard looking so awesome?

02 What the hell were the China jokes all about?

03 Where can you buy human-sized hamster wheels?

And most importantly...

04  Who the hell were those sexy, Polish milk maids?

Thankfully, as we pride ourselves on helping you with difficult questions, we can help you on the latter.

But first, lets just recap why it was the greatest thing to happen to Eurovision since ABBA actually made it into a thing...

Alternatively scroll to the bottom to see the full video.

And now you’re up to date. 

So who the hell where those beautiful Polish ladies?

The singer was...



Her real name is actually Joanna Klepko and, surprise, surprise, she’s from Poland. There she is above on the right.

She’s dead clever and graduated from the Warsaw University of Life Sciences.

Way back in 2011 she was in the Polish version of The X Factor. Thankfully, she didn’t win and instead chose to concentrate on herself for a few years working on songs like “My Slowianie" about how awesome Polish girls are.

The tune actually managed to reach number two in the polish charts, and Poland won the public vote on Eurovision night, despite being completely ignored by the judges who are clearly bonkers.

And here's the (not actually that bad) NSFW video for the song that made everybody in Poland froth at the mouth:


The amazing dancing, milkmaid ladies are...

Ola Ciupa

Ola is a model and TV presenter. According to her social media, her motto is “Eat clean, train dirty.” When she’s not being all Euro-sexy, she normally looks like this.

Which is actually still pretty Euro-sexy.

To see more of her being awesome all of the time, follow her on Instagram, where she posts lots of things like this.

And finally... 

Paula Tumala.

Paula Tumula is actually a bit of a mysterious type without much of a digital footprint, but here’s what we know.

She’s an amazingly hot model.

She’s on Twitter where she’s hardly what you would call a prolific Tweeter, but when she does it’s usually accompanied by pictures like this.


Hopefully, now that she’s a super famous Eurovision Slavic Girl, she’ll be tweeting a little bit more.

Her Instagram is pretty great though...

And she also once did this video which is lovely and involves Paula, a bath, a Rolling Stones T-Shirt and, somewhat oddly, the soundtrack of a John Lewis advert.


And now here’s one more amazing GIF so that we can all remember how trouser-shatteringly brilliant it all was.