Lest you forget, here’s a reminder: it’s Valentine’s Day on Monday. And no, just because it’s on a Monday doesn’t mean you can get away with saying “Let’s just forget it this year, we could stay in and watch Dispatches followed by Rebus” – we checked, and that’s not acceptable.

If your name was Victoria and you liked to keep things to yourself, you wouldn’t even be thinking about that. You’d be all over Valentine’s Day like wasps around a spilled Sunny Delight. Ahh, the sounds of summer – the discordant fusion of agitated insects buzzing and e-number-packed children blubbing – how we long for those exquisite melodies.


"Where are my bloody balloons?" pondered pouty

Victoria’s Secret and their troupe of leggy models have been going all guns blazin’ for V-Day this year. We know that Adriana Lima likes Valentine’s Day. Why wouldn’t she? She’ll probably get at least four cards. And none will be from her mum signing it off ‘?’ to ensure she feels loved.

One year, our mum forgot to send us a card. That was a dark, dark year, make no mistake.

We also know that the Victoria’s Secret Angels like Valentine’s Day so much they made a helpful little ‘how-to’ video. Although, to be honest, if you need a video to teach you how to write “You’re alright, you” on a bit of red card, you’ve probably got bigger things to worry about.

Now, three of Victoria’s favourite Angels – Candice Swanepoel, Lily Aldridge and Erin Heatherton – have got together to have a little pre-Valentine’s soiree.


Trouble brewing...

Unfortunately, as you can see, they all came in the same outfit. Girls hate that more than anything. More than puppies crying. More than their boyfriend shaving off the beard he’s had for years that they loved picking little bits of food from. More than a mouse sneaking into their room while they’re asleep and weeing in their shoe.

As a result, shortly after these pictures were taken, a bit of a barney ensued. Lily Aldridge was all “I told you last week I was going to wear my red dress” and Erin Heatherton snapped back “Shut up, you wore it last time” and Candice Swanepoel didn’t say anything because her surname takes longest to type. They decided to take off their dresses and settle their differences with a good old fashioned jelly-wrestle, but we didn’t think you’d be interested in seeing the pictures of that. Or the video.