A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some tosser wants to buy a half-head of lettuce.” As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager found the boy and said, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?”
“Originally from Essex, sir,” the boy replied.
“Why did you leave Essex?” the manager asked.
“Sir, there’s nothing but whores and footballers there.”
“Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Essex.”
“No shit!” the boy replied. “Who does she play for?”
Blake, Sevenoaks